College Tip 4: College and Dating

Honestly, dating in college is tricky. I am not talking about falling in love and find “the one” (even though that’s even more difficult to find), but dating on campus simply finding someone who you have common interests, want to be around, reap some “benefits”, and  have someone who cares about you on a campus full of strangers. Finding this person is particularly difficult because of the college sub culture: hook up culture which removes people from their emotional attachments and instincts as they focus on the physical and instant gratification. This sub culture focuses on a no strings attached relationship giving more weight to physical attachment than the necessary emotional and mental connections. Hook up culture makes it difficult for the people who can’t or won’t adapt to open relationships and friends with benefits because they are searching for monogamy when many aren’t, and the ones who do are overlooked. Consequently dating on campuses may be a scarce reality that has been morphed into hook up culture, but even though it sounds like a scary and hopeless task to find someone who gets you on campus. Remember there are many opportunities to find someone you mesh with by simply living your life and being open to new experiences that involve activities that get you out of your comfort zone. A rule of thumb is: when you don’t search and stress over having someone, that when they (whoever it may be) will come to you.

However since hook up culture is a campus reality it is best to equip yourself with a game plan since wanting to find a companion is inevitable.

  • Focus on friendship: a friendship allows you to get to know a person on a casual level and creates a stronger foundation to build on if the friendship grows into an official relationship. Plus in friendship communicating is more genuine and raw than if jumping into a relationship/courting.
  • Move slowly and allow for all the possibilities: inquire about the un-exhausted possibilities of knowing a person beyond the search for a companion, but having someone in your life that can teach you about yourself and others.
  • Don’t do anything unless you feel you are ready: logically think about what you wish to do based your own personal opinions don’t let outside pressures impact your perspective or actions.
  • Be strong and better for yourself: don’t let the prospect of a companion force you to improve the way you live, do it for yourself and in doing so a companion will come.

College Tip 3: Take Charge, and Just Ask

First things first ladies let me state that there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking the person you are interested in on a date or “hang out” session. There is nothing wrong with taking charge and in doing so less “games” are played between you two. Also in asking first it shows confidence and looks good on your part. Everyone loves a confident go-getter. Even though social norms seem against the idea of women asking a person out first. If you really like someone do it! The worse is that they say no, then you just pick yourself up and move on. And “no” doesn’t mean, no one will ever like me or date me etc. it just means it wasn’t the right person or the right time (it is important that you think of the person saying no, because it may have nothing to do with you.)

Additionally when I say “just ask” I am also talking about good communication and not playing emotional and mental games. I personally know a lot of women who are dating expect their significant others to be mind readers, which is highly unlikely unless they are a vampire or you are a student of Charles Xavier and possess the mutant X gene. Even if you might think your head is a crazy place that only a small amount of people should have access to. In opening up a good channel of honesty it promotes growth and understanding in a relationship. And it’s super important to start this practice early. Regardless if it’s just expressing that you are not ready for a full-on relationship, you are interested in them and want to hang out, or express that you want a tailor-made relationship that is constructed by the guidelines of you all’s choosing. Just express yourself and don’t be afraid to ask the serious questions. in just asking, it’s important to not wait too long to ask or express yourself because if you wait to say what you feel it leads to an argument or the beginning of resenting someone. And yes I know expressing yourself can be difficult and this era of technology doesn’t help with face to face interaction which so important to how you communicate with everyone, especially the person you like. The best side of communicating with your partner is that your business stays your business and not blasted on social media.

I pose a challenge if you are in a relationship or have a friendship with a person you and things seem difficult. I challenge you to be the one to open the channel of good communication, honesty, and face-to-face conversations (unless long distance) because at the end of the day silence and secrets will crush both parties and the relationship.

College Tip 2: Quickbucks

Once you are on campus and you having the time of your life, transitioning, and enjoying a new sense of freedom social events and weekend plans start to overlap, but as you try to enjoy these events and make new social connections, your wallet keeps getting thinner and thinner. Especially, living on campus it is inevitable that during your college career you will want to make some quick cash. However there is no easy route to attain this “fast cash”. It’s best to have an organized and realistic approach when it comes to making a few extra bucks. Regardless, if you get an allowance from your parent or guardian or you have a job and are between checks. Because in planning for the extra money if not logical will lead you to a path of desperate ideas like selling blood (plasma) and pawning items with sentimental value. When all you have to do is look for more options and research the possibilities. But at the end of the day the most overlooked quality of university and colleges is: the amount of offered resources to help you thrive during your academic career whether academic, physical, mental, emotional, and financial opportunities and resources.

With that in mind here are a few ideas to help you earn fast cash alongside possible resources that your campus will offer

  1. Sell books and old notes: this may seem like the best bet, but it’s important to sale these items at the right time during the semester. The end and beginning of a term yet, during the summer and winter you will get cash just not as much.
  2. Sell the clothes that you barely wear to consignment shops: sell half and donate the other half. Additionally, when selling items there are many websites that can help you do this such as Ebay© and Poshmark©.
  3. Check your campus career center and your specific college to see if they have a list serve that sends a weekly email with quick and long-term employment, which is great when looking for immediate money and considering what you want to do as a career.
  4. Look into studies that different departments on campus provide which can range from psychological, couples, language and much more. These studies are generally easy and don’t require much of the participant except time, which is fairly scarce during the semester.

College Tip 1: How to have Fun when you are Low on Funds

On college and university campuses your bank account always gets really low at some point even if you have a job. There are random expenses and fees, for example you forgot to buy something you need for a class, a club or organization you are in needs to collect money from you, it’s the weekend, or the dining hall is closed so you must order food and many more reasons that require extra funds. However, often times a parent will provide money when you call, but some people don’t have the luxury or want to become less dependent and don’t want to ask their parent or guardian. So during the “struggle” period: the time when you have little money but refuse to let that keep you from living. It is inevitable that you will want to take a fun break from your academic routine when funds are low. When that moment arises you have to ask yourself: what you can do to meet new people, learn something new, learn about yourself, and just enjoy life … with little money?

Here are some free/cheap ideas that only require (if you decided to leave campus)

  • enough money for public transportation
  • phone charger
  • comfortable shoes
  • Water Bottle and snacks from home ( which is both low-cost and a sustainable practice)
  1. Use your best friend a.k.a Google©: Surf the web for free events in your city, this is especially fruitful in the spring and summer when free festivals and flea markets are booming. You don’t have to buy anything, it is just fun to be out! Plus you get to be outside enjoying the weather and community.
  2. Museums, Monuments and Art Galleries Oh My! : This one is pretty self-explanatory, but make sure you check the hours and double check that there are no entry fees. Why not learn more about the state or city you are in, especially if you choose to go to an out of state school.

Here something to do if you can’t or don’t want to leave campus

  1. Go to events on campus: most campus events offer food or snacks in abundance and no limit on how much you can take home! Also these events are generally free and allow you to interact with new people, learn more about the people you go to school with, and if you really get out of your comfort zone it will offer some new perspective.

 

 

College Tip Series

I decided that I would like to give out some tips for people who are in college (although this semester is already in session) or are preparing for college. The tips will pertain to the social aspects of college life.

Personally, I wish someone would have provided me with such insight when getting ready and being in school, but through my experiences I can help others. What I say isn’t law, but just a way spark some ideas and tell some of my truths about being a college student. The series will go on for a couple weeks giving you guys a post every Sunday ( I promise!)
Also if you anyone wants me to write about a specific subject, just let me know!

Enjoy!

 

Music in the Summertime & Lauryn Hill

During the  summer there is nothing like going to concerts and music festivals with friends, meeting new people and having summer adventures. Plus the summer festivals are the breeding grounds for creativity and reinforcing open-mindedness, these events add something special to your summer. However the best part for music lovers, is the possibility of seeing your favorite artists in the  span of 3-4 months. Especially, when the people on your musical bucket list are in your area, depending on what kind of music you are into or a person who creates music that you connect with. photo 5(3)

Me personally the featured artist on my musical bucket include Jill Scott, Common, Yasin Bey ( Mos Def), Andre 3000, Erykah Badu, and Lauryn Hill to name a few. I obviously have a love and respect for neo-soul, R&B, and Hip Hop genres. Even though some artists aren’t on  my list doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind seeing them like  Beyonce or Kanye West ( as long as it doesn’t come out of my wallet) their the “icons” of this era. Honestly I love music enough to see most artists of today, the 90′s, and the stars from before then.

Anywho, Looking at my musical bucket list, I can successfully cross of Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill off my list. I recently saw Lauryn Hill while I was in Boston  at the House of Blues , which is a very popular, well-known venue for music and other large gatherings. My friend and I made a very spontaneous concert-going decision, because after I brought my ticket I was broke, but one of my personal philosophies is: I rather live life right now, than focus on the money I don’t have at the moment.  Plus I weighed the pros and cons and thought to myself why miss an opportunity to see this legend while visiting my best friend and to regain inspiration, but my exceptions for the concert didn’t match the reality of it.

If you are not familiar with  Lauryn Hill, here is an article that gives a general Bio of her life.  The reason I love her so much as an artist is because she is true to her art and to herself. Even though she has been out of the public eye for a while and hasn’t produce anything new, her fan base is still large and anticipating.  My appreciation for her is summed up in a statement she said in one of her tumblr post that partly explains why she has been away for over a decade , as it suggests  that she is creating something great.

       “I’ve been fighting for existential and economic freedom, which means the freedom to create and live without someone threatening, controlling, and/or manipulating the art and the artist, by tying the purse strings… have been working towards this for a long time, not just because of my current legal situation, but because I am an artist, I love to create, and I need the proper platform to do so.”

With all that said, I previously stated that the expectations for the concert didn’t match the reality because  she performed songs from her solo debut album The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill in a new/interesting way. If you have heard some or all of this album you know it is a very emotional and powerful that is supported by her lyrical superiority especially in her songs: Lost Ones, Ex-Factor, and Doo Wop. 

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 presetSo to prepare myself for the concert I made sure that all my emotions were in order, I even prepared myself for a tear or two. The young woman who was standing behind me even said  ” I’m ready to cry”. Me in this person were in the same boat so to speak. After waiting a couple hours for Ms. Hill to hit the stage. When she finally starts her performance I’m in shock and awe because:

  1. It’s LAURYN HILL!!! In the same room as this legendary artist who is related to the Marley’s! ( insert high-pitched scream here)
  2. the music was not at all what I was expecting, granted I enjoyed the concert and all that. I was expecting some real tear-jerking moments and was denied that pleasure.
  3. Most of the songs were remixed to a upbeat hip-hip/ reggae sound, not including when she did her unplugged, which was smart on her part to make the concert more live. Yet, it really through me and my friend off . ( I have some video clips I’d post,but I  was singing along and I sound HORRIBLE).
  4. With the remixed songs it was hard to hear which song was which, my friend couldn’t even tell if “her” song was sung.

After the initial shock and  some time thinking to myself, I came to the realization that: yes Lauryn Hill has returned, but did she really? Is the  Ms. Hill of today the same as the one yesterday… Of course not! I’m sure 10 plus years out the game spurred change, but how has that and will that impact her music that we are now accustomed too?

Everyone loves her, but which one do we love?

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 presetGenerally , ” we” as the audience give a lot of credit to celebrities regardless of time or the situation. It seems we don’t hold them accountable.  In the case of Ms. Hill, even though she is a legend  in the music world and well known for her part in upholding the Marley legacy, we negate the reality that it is time for her to produce something new and amazing. Not just the remixes of the songs we once loved. Even though I have read things in regarding her hiatus and her return and I believe she will produce something phenomenal when she releases new material, I am just weary that there will be a disconnect from the Lauryn Hill of then and now. That the music she gives us will not reach the bar that she set so high for herself.

what are your thoughts?

Take it from the top!

I am sure you have wondered where have I been and why I have not written in the last couple months. However, if you haven’t that is fine too…
This has been an interesting summer to say the least.  For a large portion of the summer I’ve been idle constantly thinking without my notepad in reach. With that said I am not using my idle-ness as an excuse to why I have removed myself from the blog-world. However, it does  suggest  writers block or rather a lost of inspiration and motivation.


Side Note:   I had a conversation with a friend who made the point that there is no such thing as “writers block” but that it is rather a loss of inspiration/motivation. I thought this was  a great point because a person, a writer can always write, but to write things that mean something requires a muse and motivation.


However, I have chosen to no longer stew in my lack of inspiration by plunging myself into entities of inspiration. I am working on rediscovering my passion to write and use my voice.  Simultaneously,  making a better me. I am back.

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Stay tuned &  back to the art.

Social and Cultural exploration. Taking a journey through people and events. Supporting those with passions and those still looking. Welcoming Inspiration. *All original photos unless stated otherwise

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